you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
