Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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