You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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