i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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