Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i dont even know how to be here
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
