You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
