you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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