porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
