I'm jealous of your bromance
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
