True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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