Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Is Oprah even human
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
