is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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