you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
