At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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