is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
