i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My bed smells like the plague
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
