I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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