"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
