I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
