he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Rumble strips road head = magical
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
