You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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