So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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