If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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