I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
a search helicopter?!
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
