we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
