it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
