I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
