i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
