I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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