Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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