I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
