Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
