Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
