i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Drake has all the answers
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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