just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
