I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
