there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
