if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
