i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
