I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
