The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
