hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
