he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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