Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
