I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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