Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
