when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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