i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
i think my cat just said my name.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
