just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
