well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
