Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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