Ambien. No doubt about it.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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