I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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